I am not a stickler for grammar.  What I’m saying is: don’t use it much none myself.  I am as prone to error as the next person, but I try to use language and combinations of words that make sense except sometimes when I am going for comedic effect.  See above.  It hits me though, once in a while, when I come across someone who uses grammar that doesn’t really apply to the situation and ends up sounding like an idiot.

For example.  I was working, as I do, attempting to conduct some physical therapy with a 90 year old lady who was refusing to begin said therapy with me.  I had already started a process for gaining her compliance by talking to the patient’s daughter (if you didn’t know by now, once you hit an age that people begin to refer to you as “elderly”, your children begin scolding and telling you what to do).  So the patient basically surrendered knowing everyone was conspiring against her.

I found a staff member at the assisted living facility in order to get a list of the patient’s medications and I briefly reviewed what had happened so far with the patient refusing and then being agreeable to therapy.  The staff member walks into her room and says without any other conversation, “You can’t refuse therapy.”

To me, this is a really dumb thing to say to…well…anyone.  Anyone can refuse therapy.  In fact, at a previous job in a nursing home, patients refused almost daily.  The grammar part of this whole thing is use of the word “can’t”.  This word generally means “not having the ability to do something”.  Since the lady was not in a coma or other state of being that precludes the ability to communicate, refusal is an ability she does actually have.

I believe in this case, the staff member might have found it better to use the word “shouldn’t”, meaning it would not be a good idea to do refuse.  If I go to Taco Bell and refuse to leave when they close, that is something I can do.  But I shouldn’t do it because I will likely end up being arrested.

It would be useless for me to use the word “can’t” when telling my kids what is frowned upon at our residence.

Examples:
Wrong way:
(Insert child”s name), you can’t climb all over the furniture naked.
This is incorrect because my kids will prove time and time again that they can (have the ability to) do something.

Correct:
(Insert child’s name), you shouldn’t climb all over the furniture naked.
It would not be a good idea to do that, because Daddy doesn’t want to sit on any furniture that’s had your dirty bits on it.

What I usually choose to say is “don’t”.  As in, “don’t climb all over the furniture naked.”  Unfortunately, they hear the word “don’t” and their brains interpret it as “I double-dog dare you to.”  So what you need to know is that if you come to my house, you shouldn’t sit on the furniture, you can do it, and I do it, but would be better if you didn’t, so don’t.

The other grammar thing that seems to get under my skin is when people use superlatives as if they should be in every sentence and they don’t understand what the words mean.

Examples:

“Five Guys makes the best burger.”
I agree that it is a tremendous burger, but is it really the best?  Have you had every burger there is to be had?

“McDonald’s makes the best burger.”
You just said that Five Guys makes the best burger.  You can’t then also say that McDonald’s makes the best burger.  Best is reserved for the top ranking.  You could say “McDonald’s makes the best burger for a restaurant that has a golden arch on their property.”  That would be a stupid thing to say, but still accurate.

I’ve noticed this error seems to come up a lot on podcasts that are hosted by an actor.  They are often speaking to actors about other actors when the following happens.
“Don’t you just love Bruce Willis?  Isn’t he the best?”
Two minutes later…
“Don’t you just love Tom Hanks?  Isn’t he the best?”

Ok, they can’t both be the best.  They are literally not able to both be the best.  They could each be best regarding a certain thing or quality.  But they both can’t be the best in a general sense of the term “best”.

So let me try to use these words in a proper way.

“This is the best blog you will be reading at the exact time of day that you are reading it, but you can’t read it if you are currently in a medically-induced coma.