If you are a man, maybe a woman in your life has mentioned that tomorrow is Mother’s Day.  If you are reading this on any day other than Saturday May 9, 2020 on Facebook and the “tomorrow” I mention would then seem to be Monday, but the holiday is already over so you just keep scrolling through some memes and complaints about one or the other political party, some debate about wearing masks in public and some disturbing ads for products you didn’t know existed.  These are the sort of things that make you wonder if your name has been placed on a government list somewhere and you ask yourself how the ad came to be directed at you because you are a normal person and never look at the type of things that are being marketed to you on Facebook.

Hey Mom!  If you are reading this, let me preemptively say happy Mother’s Day.  I recognize, especially now that I am a parent myself, that you put up with too much of my crap.  Not to mention my brother’s as well.  I mean, wow.  Sometimes just to get a 4 year old dressed, you have to sell your soul.  And when they get sugar, I can’t even.  The trauma was too recent.  Now, you can give my kids sugar and send them home with me.  And I bet you and Dad just laugh and laugh.  Not cool.  But I get it.  Today, I told the 6 year old I couldn’t wait until he had his own house and his own stuff.  “Why?” he asked.  So I can come over to his place and tear up all of his stuff.  Write on the walls, write on his cars, throw rocks in his yard, get in a fist-fight with my brother while my son is in the middle of pooping.

I get it now Mom.  Much more than I did before.  I really appreciate what you put up with and what you helped me become.  Love you.

And to my wife…You and I are in the middle of the things I just described.  And much, much more.  Today, your oldest son suggested that on Mother’s Day, you could cook a special meal for all of us.  And this, after I mention some of the things I could cook.  We split the cooking pretty evenly, people, don’t let my son fool you.  Yes, my wife does a lot more than me in many areas of our life.  She is doing 97% of the E-learning while I work.  And that is nearly a full-time job.  One kid won’t pay attention, the other kid interrupts asking for snacks every 12 minutes.  He gets fed, everyone.  Don’t call the authorities.  They just want something constantly.  2 seconds after dinner today, they both are asking for something special to eat.  “Right now.  I want something to eat right now!” my 4 year old screams.  Maybe we need to have them checked for tapeworms.  I don’t know.

And also to my wife…they won’t leave you alone.  You need to use the bathroom?  Never by yourself.  You just spent hours in the garden pulling weeds and you tried to lay down on the couch for 45 seconds?  Suddenly they are jumping on you.  Even worse, you FELL asleep?  How could you?  The 4 year old uses the flying headbutt to wake you up with blinding pain.  Welcome to the rest of your evening and here is some Tylenol.

But this is what we chose.  And thankfully, for as many examples of the crap you deal with there are lots more great things about the kids.  Being a mom really is right up there on the top of the list of tough jobs, often undervalued and not appreciated.  You rock.  That is why I had your oldest son start off the holiday tonight with a rendition of “Mother” by Danzig on Guitar Hero for you.  We couldn’t think of a better way to say thanks and kick off this Mother’s Day right.