I woke up a little older than yesterday. Solve the following word problem to determine my age. My prior age was divisible by 5, but my current age is divisible by 3. If I was traveling east at 4 mph and my bones were already aching when I rolled out of bed, when will I have arthritis to the point where I can forecast when it’s going to rain?

Things to look forward to when you hit 36:

1. Being categorized by age on surveys in the 36-40 group.
2. Needing more age sensitive tests done by your doctor at your annual exam.
3. Complaining about televised events being on too late at night.
4. Getting hit in the feels by kids’ movies that you once felt nothing about.
5. Yelling at your kids over the same things your parents yelled at you.
6. Making frequent decisions on enjoying certain foods or beverages that result in acid reflux.
7. Being more out of touch with words and phrases said by younger people.
8. Being the same age as Michael Phelps, then finding out he has 23 gold medals and realizing your greatest individual sporting achievement was too embarrassing to mention in comparison.
9. Being disappointed that the company in charge has not forgotten about your student loans as you hoped they would.
10. Hearing people older than you say that getting old sucks, but not being able to do anything about it.

So happy birthday to me. I plan to enjoy a beer, an antacid and go to sleep by 11:00 p.m. on this Friday night.