I woke up a little older than yesterday. Solve the following word problem to determine my age. My prior age was divisible by 5, but my current age is divisible by 3. If I was traveling east at 4 mph and my bones were already aching when I rolled out of bed, when will I … Continue reading I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (Unless you ask me tomorrow)

Just like Dragnet, the names have been changed to protect the innocent, including everyone who expected that movie to be much better than it was. I rolled up to the assisted living facility, in my world it’s known as an ALF. And not the ALF that ate cats and was somehow on television for 4 … Continue reading Confessions of a Dangerous Patient

Please read in the voice of Vincent Price for maximum atmosphere and enjoyment. Twas a night that started like any other.  His chores made finished, his daily work done. He fell unto his couch, his cares numbered, none. His wife sat in peaceful slumber, for she was a worn out mother. His eyes blinked slowly … Continue reading Nights in White Cotton

For the purposes of anonymity and avoiding reprisal from my enemies like Batman, the following transcript will use these identifiers: Me (for me, obviously) and Tiger (my wife, because she can kill me very easily and has a rare stripe pattern on her skin like a Bengal tiger). Me: Do you want to listen to … Continue reading It’s Really Not Ok, Computer

My wife and I have been together since 2002.  So I have been trying to teach her about music since 2002.  And I have been failing to make an impact, since, let’s think about it, 2002.  Is it that she is distracted by my boyish good looks?  Is it that she can only learn something … Continue reading Music and Lyrics (not the movie)

When I woke up this morning, I had some expectations of how the day would go.  I anticipated my geriatric feline resident to immediately cry out over not having food in her bowl.  I eagerly pined for that first black cup of coffee.  The cup was not black, the coffee was.  Just in case you … Continue reading Me and My Spearmint Beard

Do you ever find yourself disoriented when you try to leave someone’s house you have never been in before?  I find myself in this situation pretty often in my daily work.  I go from house to house providing physical therapy services.  And no, I am not literally walking to adjacent houses and working my way … Continue reading The Disorientation of the Physical Therapist by the Coward Global Positioning System

We all have our little absurdities.  If you have read about the way I used to open cans of soda, then you know at least one about me.  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Is it in the way I keep a katana in the basement and a pair of nunchucks under my … Continue reading Doctor, No Sleep.

Back in Halloweentime, the best time of the year, I decided to read some books. I always find myself in the midst of the Halloween season hungry for horror entertainment. I enjoy most of it in the form of movies and in 2020 I made a goal to watch at least 100 titles. Maybe you … Continue reading This is It

When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. Sorry, that would be the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius. Still, something aligned in the Ether resulting in a curious appetite and sequence of events for our dog, Wicket. This is not the first time she has eaten something … Continue reading The Chronicles of Quarantine Part 2: A Dog’s Journey into Fine Dining